Wednesday, March 28, 2012
28/3/2012
W.T.F.
Hi peeps!
I finally muster enough courage and time to actually do this.
A level results are finally released. Let's just say, I didn't do very well.... I cried. Of course I did. But not for the same reasons as everyone else. To some extent, I know I didn't exactly gave everything I could. Honestly, I put in much more effort in O's than this. So I sort of got what I deserved. Still, it sucks knowing that you let your parents down. I wasnt expecting rainbow results if you get what I mean. I just wanted a decent looking A level certificate. And apparently, that was too much to ask for. Thankfully, I had my friends to get me over it. Yes, it still hurts when I look at my grades, but at least I can talk about it. Truely grateful to all my true friends. You guys were really there when I needed you.
So, the first thing after A level results would be university application. Applied for NUS, NTU and SMU. But hoping for NUS to call, though SMU just did to book me for an interview for 10 April. Hopefully, I wont get screwed this time.
Talking about university application brings me to a topic which has been irritating me for a while. It seems like everone is taking turns to take their shots at me. Saying stuff about my 'future' and my actions. First, I had my dad saying that what I chose was not 'money-earning' studies and he has been hinting to me that I will regret it. Then, I had my frens questioning my choice and my way of leading my life.
Issit wrong for me not to plan out my future like everyone else? Is there a rule that says you must have every single step planned out? Is there really a blueprint to success? No, no and NO. I have my dreams too, about striking a balance between life and work. I hope to able to achieve that. Because, you only get one chance to live, so I don't want to be chained to a office table and doing things that I dont want to do for the rest of my life, just for the money. I want to do something that I can truly enjoy. I believe that if you really enjoy your work, you would do well in it and therefore, succeed. If I am wrong to think that, then sorry, I am just not you.
This is me. I dont plan my life out step by step. I prefer to live in the moment. Maybe I do plan a little. But I never want to do it, because I noticed that life doesn't exactly go the way people hoped it would be or planned to be. It's always full of surprises and that's what makes life interesting. I don't need you to understand that but I will really appreciate it if people would stop looking at me as though I was mad or some idiot. Just because I don't do things the way you do it, doesnt mean I am wrong. Neither am I saying you are. But hey, that's just me.
If you don't like the way I do things, that's fine. If you think I am doing things wrongly, then I am sorry. I am sorry for being me. But in fact, I am not sorry at all. If you want to look down on me, so be it. I don't really care, as long I don't look down on myself. I will live with it.
Seriously, I don't live for you. Neither do you live for me. Just respect one another's way of life and decisions. That's all I am saying.
That's all for today,
See Ya.
I'm still breathing;
7:58 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
21/2/2012
Doomsday
Hi peeps!
I woke up from a 4 hours worth of sleep to watch some NBA this morning. Well... not much to comment on NBA games? Just glad that my BULLS won. Please win a championship when I am in NS thanks.
Talking about NS, I have began my training for it. After listening to all my frens who just came out from that hell-hole talking about what's needed for it, I realised that my physical fitness requires a lot of work to be done. So I went running around woodlands today. Funny how you meet people you don't expect to meet when running. The other time was my primary school classmate, today was my secondary schoolmate. The run was totally -.- I felt my calves tightening in 5 mins. I thought I was going to have serious cramping in them and kept stopping to stretch them every now and then. I gave up and jogged to the park near my house.
And one of the most embarrassing things happened. I forgot I was wearing some lousy shoes with soles that were as good as gone and the floor was wet. And I retardly tried to do some standing board jump. I slipped. Thankfully I didnt fall and let's just say my back is not going to be pain-free for a while -_____- My chin-ups were worse. I really need to do something about it and fast -.-
So 2 March. 2012 is coming early huh? A levels results being announced on that day and I am totally not looking forward to it. Everyone always thinks, aiya, HC ppl sure no problem one. You know what, I really truly think I am screwed for this A levels. Not that I want to have bad results or something, but something at the back of my mind tells me to prepare for the worst. I know some people are going to say stuff like they screwed up too. Hey, I am not as smart or talented as you people, so my screw-up and your screw-up is totally different.
Okay, I am just being annoyed. Maybe is my back, screwing up my thinking. Wow, I used the words screwed up a lot of times huh? Words of the day? Haha. Oh right A level results. I really dont know what to do if I screw up.... I really dont. Argh.... Suddenly, "Wake Me Up When September Ends" seems so appropriate.
Summer has come to pass, the innocence will never last. Wake me up when september ends....
That's all for today,
See Ya!
I'm still breathing;
10:46 PM
Saturday, February 11, 2012
10/2/2012
REVIVE
Hi peeps!
I am back, to revive my somewhat dead blog. Apparently, it was last year since I posted here. So I don't really expect anyone to follow this anymore. So let's just say I am keeping this for my own reading a few years down the road, and perhaps laugh at how stupid I used to be. Well, people do grow wiser everyday right??
Well.... Just a little update.
Partied at Jason's house for New Year. Did nothing for CNY. Took up a job at Cheers and quitted. And now doing low-paying jobs for the fun of it.
Anyway, I realised everytime I travel home with Yuh Chyi, I always learn something about myself. Some I didn't know and some I already did.
Yeah, I do know I am insecure. But I like things to be perfect. Not exactly a perfectionist.... but close. So, when people start making comments and opinions about me and things I do, I get uneasy. But that's just the way I am... Although I started to learn from experiences in life that sometimes, you just need to ignore people that don't matter. And I am really starting to do that more now. I just like things to go as planned and when it doesn't, I get annoyed and uncomfortable. If that's being insecure, then I am.
Talking about people who matter.
I just came back from campfire in HC. I always thought that people staring into blank spaces and thinking about the past only happens in movies until I actually did it. And boy was I surprised.
So after that thought process, I just decided to do something that I should have done 2 years ago, that is to keep those close friends close to you and don't give a shit, to people who don't make an effort to stay. Honestly, I should have been over this long ago but I am not. Yes, there are too many things that can remind of people who have left my life either willingly or unwillingly. Yet, it always hurt when I am reminded of them and it doesn't help when you are insecure and when you don't know who is the next one to leave you. Because life is too unpredictable and you never know what tomorrow is going to bring, someone close to you might leave you for no rhyme or reason. When that happens, it's going to hurt. Although we will move on, that someone would have left a permanent mark in you such that when you are reminded of them, you will always feel hurt in some way.
It's not going to be easy, but I will try. I adapt to things fast anyway, so I doubt it will last too long.
As for our class gathering today, I would say it was pretty okay? I don't know, this is just not a group of people I will click with. Not my style of friends if I have to put it. And honestly, I don't even know what type of friends I have. Perhaps Yuh Chyi is right, I just didn't give them a 'chance'. But oh well, I won't see them much in the future until... 2 March 2012... Okay, let's leave that to another day. Hopefully, that day will never come.
Perhaps I am too insecure, that's why I get emotional all the time. But when you think too much, that's what happens. And when you're alone a lot, that's when you think too much.... So yeah....
Or perhaps, those who judge me just don't know me well enough. I do hold back stuff about myself and my family. There are certain things I don't tell everyone, but that's because I have been backstabbed before. It's harder to trust when you have been.
Do you really think you know me just beacuse you see things from your point of view? Do you know why I am who I am? Do you even know me at all in the first place? So before you do, let's stop making comments about me. Thank you very much.
Keep judging and you will never understand the truth. Because you think you have it, but you never did.
That's all for today,
See Ya
I'm still breathing;
12:10 AM
Monday, November 14, 2011
14/11/2011
Retarded people.
Hi peeps!
A LEVELS STARTED ALR! Can you believe it? I already gave up to the point that I am blogging already! JUST KIDDING. Since there's a 5-day break and I can't sleep so, might as well burn some energy here!
Haiz, A levels has been eventful, there were manageable papers and crazy papers. There were sadness, joy, disappointments and happiness. Well, at the end of the day, we still have 4 more days to go. Once these 4 days are over, we will be officially free. No more doing things that we don't like. No more trying to trying to memorise biology notes and acting like I give a damn. No more trying to please everyone and trying to blend into a class which I have no feelings for. No more of feeling alone in a room of 27 people. No more. NO MORE.
Anyway, I was reading Yong Liang's blog when I saw this anon guy, some retard apparently, flaming. I found it rather hilarious though. I always thought if you don't like the person, you would try to avoid and refrain from reading anything related to the person. Yet this idiot actually went to his blog to flame him -.- I thought that was like a secondary 2 thing. I didn't know it was brought up to JC2 too. Oh well..... Retards.
Okay, perhaps I shouldn't make myself sound like I hate retards, because quite honestly, all my close friends are retards some way or another. If not for all those fun retarded friends around me that can stand my nonsense and accept me at my worst and best, I don't think I would have managed to survive to A's. To every single retard that played such a role, I thank you.
So when A's end, who are going to still stay in touch? Who still be by your side and bother to msn you? Who will still sms you when you're bored? Who? If only I knew.
People change, and I am pretty sure after A's, many people are going to change. Some people lose touch, some people become closer. The others just remain status quo. But something will remain constant and that would be memories. The good and bad. I will cherish every one of them, because those are the only things that are constant as compared to the ever-changing world.
I am just glad that Bio paper 2, Math and GP is over. I don't need to care about memorising mathematical formulas, no more caring about my grammatical errors and no more memorising Bio notes (OMG).
Seriously, everything is about to end yet the only thing I can think of is that annoying medical review at CMPB that I have on 2 Dec. CMPB loves me so much that they want to see me again. And most probably, I am going to be in Pes B. So I would waste a day (including the night to sleep early to wake up for that damn thing) which I could be enjoying and having fun. HAIZ.
Sometimes I wonder, what to make out of my life? Hmmm... Time will tell..
When was blogging old-fashioned? D:
OMG, I am still not tired and my dad is already hinting at me to sleep. -.- What' this!
Arghhh... some of my friends are saying I am becoming fat. Need. To. Exercise.
That's all for today,
See Ya
I'm still breathing;
1:23 AM
Saturday, October 15, 2011
15/10/2011
WHAT IS THIS!!!
Hi peeps!
I was having insomnia again last night so my mind just started to wander off. So I was thinking about the upcoming grad day and how annoying it was to have to buy a white long sleeve shirt, a tie and black leather shoes, which I have not bought any of which yet -.-
Then I thought about Prom and shopping for THAT too. Then I realised, 2 years of Hwa Chong is going to be over. After being so annoyed by my own stupid decision to come here and complaining about it all the time, I feel a tinge of sadness in it. I know I said many times that I don't like the school, the culture, SOME people and the adminstration and stuff. But they were still memorable. I won't want to relive all that, but somehow I still miss it.
So I thought about what made me miss this place. And I came to the conclusion: the people. If not for friends that went through everything with me and spurred me on, I don't think I would ever bother about HC again. All those support from them and the joy they gave to me, it wasn't something that I would trade anything for. If not for some of the teachers in HC, I would still be in J1 and screwing up my life. All the guidance they provided us, I couldn't ask for anything more.
As this chapter of my life comes to a close, another is about to begin. A levels, somewhat, I feel A LITTLE more confident than I was a month ago. But I still got a lot of work to do. The final test of this chapter.
All the best everyone!
That's all for today,
See Ya~
I'm still breathing;
1:39 PM
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
27/9/2011
Tell me what to do.
Hi peeps!
Prelims have finally ended. Well, it has the good and the bad side.
The good? Well, the fact that you can take a break from studying, relax and not worry about exams.
The bad? Well, that break, is in fact, SHORT. And also, it means we are DAMN CLOSE to A levels.
If you're asking how short is short? I will tell you, TWO FREAKING DAYS. ._. And honestly, I find it pretty long. Considering the fact that, I am hardly ready for the A levels.
Finally watched Johnny English, and I've got to say, it's was reallly funny and worth it. Just based on that, I think you should watch it. Unless you've watched it before that is.
Oh, and I watched Abduction after that. Pretty random choice of movie, but oh well, it was not a bad movie. But it wasnt the funny kind though. Haha.
Haiz, I am in a point at my life whereby I don't know how to make sense of everything around me anymore. I am at the point where I don't know what to do, how to do it, where to do it, when to do it and why to do it. Basically, I am pretty much lost. Lost as in lack of direction, not the I-want-to-kill-myself kind of lost.
Not saying that I don't have an aim, I definitely have a certain direction. But I am pretty unsure of whatever to do. I am just taking it one step at a time and deal with things when I need to.
Same goes to the other non-exam situations around me. I have no freaking clue. All I know is I am just going to let everything take it's course and try to fit in somewhere. Hopefully, the right place.
Haiz, alternatively, you can tell me what to do. Really. I have respect to everyone that has an aim, whether it was a chef, a singer or a lawyer whatsoever, at least you know to a certain degree, what you want out of your life. Quite honestly, I don't.
Tell me a reason to believe cos I swear I'm done here, because I've seen a bigger picture and I'm looking for some answers.
That's all for today,
See Ya.
I'm still breathing;
8:31 PM
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
30/8/2011
PRELIMS
Hi peeps!
Tomorrow would be start of Prelims and as always, it begins with GP. Well, what better way to practice for GP then blogging right? Just kidding, I am just consoling myself.
After scanning through all the GP stuff I have received, I got a little tired so I came here for a break. I received a message in the morning, which I have not found out how to reply yet. So I am just going to choose to ignore it until I find a way to. For now.
Argh, Prelims are going to start yet I still dont feel that confident yet ):
The real reason I came here was because of Mrs Toh's EMB. The one responding to our teacher's day card. I sort of felt a little nostalgic after reading it, like the flashback of all the times with her. Damn it.
Sort of felt like an idiot wasting this 2 years.
Under the best teacher ever in HC, I didn't make use of her well enough. Honestly, she was the best Math teacher I ever had. She's the only teacher that actually made me do my work without complaining. That's something. Now that I think back, I really hated myself for the fact that I didnt make use of the time we had with her. ARGHHH. Seriously, Mrs Toh was the only teacher that made me look forward to lessons in HC.
Funny how I am listening to Stop And Stare while blogging this.
All the best in whatever you do in future. Rem that you define your own happiness.
- Mrs Toh
She didnt just teach math. She taught us life. She taught us how to lead our lives, in the present and future. Honestly, I think I might be in J1 if not her. I can't stress how important she has been in my life and I daresay 10S74's life. I don't think anyone in our class hate her right? I hope so. Looking at the card that we gave, I suppose so.
When suddenly, life passed so fast. A Div is over. Block Test 2 is over. Prelims are going to be over. Graduation would be coming up next. Before we know it, A levels would be over.
To the greatest teacher ever, Mrs Toh,
Thank you. You made me a better person. I truly believe that.
Stop and stare. I think I'm moving but I go nowhere.
That's all for today,
ALL THE BEST EVERYONE.
See Ya!~
I'm still breathing;
3:08 PM
